For those of you that will read this, I want you to know that I did not write this. Karl Anderson is the author of these godly suggestions. If you disagree, that is fine. This is one man’s endeavor to encourage and stimulate young men to be men of God. Ladies, I promise this is not a waste of your time.
As we approach February 14 (Valentine’s Day), here are 14 suggestions to the single guys.
1. Be self-controlled.
Be the young stag in the book of Song of Songs, full of power, under perfect control. The woman you pursue must view you as completely safe and secure. You can’t do this by looking at porn in your parent’s basement. Self-control starts when you are alone. If you can’t be trusted alone, you are unworthy of a godly woman. The rest of this post is meaningless if you don’t have self-control. Repent, then continue reading.
2. Be intentional.
You must pursue one woman with more tenacity than your fantasy football team (and all other hobbies).
3. Take rejection like a man.
If you ask a woman out on Valentine’s Day and she says “no,” respect her decision. Walk away with your dignity intact.
4. Never waste emotional energy on a woman who doesn’t respect you.
Don’t cry if she rejects you. You can cry at the end of the movie, “Rudy,” but don’t waste emotional energy on a woman who doesn’t respect you and won’t follow your lead.
5. Be persistent.
You are a man. It is your job to find the woman that God has for you. Don’t quit.
6. Be the spiritual leader.
Start praying for the woman you want to pursue today. Ask God to give her eyes to see your godly character and spiritual leadership.
7. Don’t overlook the obvious.
You probably already know the woman God has for you. You need to pray that God gives you the eyes to see the beautiful woman that he has placed in your life. If you are involved in a healthy local church, I guarantee you there are godly, single women who are waiting to be pursued by a godly man. If there aren’t any at your church, come to ours, there are plenty.
8. Do your homework.
You need to break down your relationship like a pie chart. Ask her questions about her life and listen carefully. Earn the respect and trust from other godly men in her life (her father especially). Understand where she is at theologically and cultivate meaningful spiritual conversation with her. Respect her background and honor her spiritual heritage. If you find that she is not a believer, guard your affections for her and don’t lead her on to believe that you are seriously considering her for a long-term relationship.
9. Don’t be afraid.
Pursuing a woman isn’t for boys. Be a man, put your cup on, step up to the plate. If you strike out once, get back in there and find your pitch. Big league sluggers aren’t born overnight.
10. Think about the long-term.
Healthy marriages take decades of work. Enjoy your first few dates, but always keep in mind the legacy you will leave if you marry this woman. If that scares you, see #9.
11. Respect her.
If, by some gift of God’s grace, she responds to your invitation. Don’t you dare treat her like a rollercoaster. She is not built to take for a ride, then move on.
12. Be tough and tender.
She needs you. She needs your toughness and your strength, but also your tenderness and love.
13. Build your life well.
You must be worthy of her respect. She must accurately assess the life you are building now and see that it is anchored in Christ. Get involved in a local church. Read your bible persistently. Be accountable to other godly men. Work hard at your career.
14. Cultivate grace.
This is hard work and it is not for boys. The relationship garden is cultivated solely by grace. Forgive quickly. Work through relational issues immediately. Be emotionally sensitive as you handle her most delicate, and deep seated, insecurities. Don’t bully her. Don’t dominate her. Don’t be afraid of her emotions. Listen to her accusations. If there is any truth in them, repent immediately. Be diligent to root out of your relationship garden every weed that sprouts up without resting.
Young man, God has glorious intentions for your future relationship. Don’t get discouraged. Honor the women in your life as sisters in Christ and find one to pursue. Start now. Ask a her out on Valentines Day.
By: Karl Anderson